Dear Julia

Help me!

I was really feeling my oats the other day at the gym (figuratively not literally, honestly I don’t remember the last time I had oats).  So I was cruising right along at level 2 on the elliptical; must have been on it for thirty minutes at least!  I was working up a steady sweat, getting prepared for our grueling training session.   You know you really push me hard!  Nearly three months had passed since I came back to the gym and started training with you again.  I was feeling pretty good and looking out at the vacant parking lot, I felt even more self congratulatory.  Where were all my fellow fatty friends?  After all if I could make it here they had no excuse not to be here with me.

But I must confess Julia (and only to you) I did have a teensy weensy slip on Friday.  I faithfully told the bartender to delete the salt from the ONE margarita I had…but I’m afraid the nachos beckoned and I succumbed.  But thank god it’s Monday, the start of a whole new week with seven whole days to make up for the sins of Saturday.  We won’t even go there…

I looked back down at the digital display on the elliptical machine; I was pushing nearly 45 minutes now!  So I decided not to berate myself too much.  Most importantly I was here, several others weren’t here, and after all it was Monday.  Thank goodness!

Julia, do you realize that I’ve lost sixteen pound since January!  Oh I know I’m starting back to where we were last summer but you remember I had that wedding to go to and how that was so stressful.  I worked so hard to get into that dress, how could I not indulge in a few glasses of champagne and besides I’d be back at the gym on Monday.

Remember three years ago I lost fifty pound and even though I’ve gained back thirty, I did lose 10 before I gained the 15 and now I’ve lost 16.  Julia, the way I look at it is that every week is a new beginning.  At least I’m here…that was something to be proud of.

And then it hit me…the truth of my sins and ultimate reality, the fatal eye opener introduction.  Julia says, “Trish, I want you to meet Dona, she’s one of my best success stories and one of our most diligent clients.  She’s lost nearly 100 pounds without surgery over the past eight months!”  Beaming, smiling, healthy looking, shorts wearing Dona.  No longer a fellow fatty but a former fatty.  Eight months!  100 pounds!   Eight months!  100 pounds!

Well I tell you what…if I hadn’t been holding onto the handrails I would’ve fallen off the treadmill.   It gets worse, Monday is Dona’s favorite day of the week because it’s the day she gets weighed here in the gym and every week so far she’s lost 2 or more pounds from the week before.  I can’t believe this…it really is possible to consistently lose week after week without the constant regaining of pounds throughout the process?  My mind was quickly making this dreaded comparison.  Two women similar in age with lifelong weight issues.  We both had a lot of weight to lose and even more we had the same doctor, the same personal trainer, were utilizing a similar diet plan.  The big difference, one of us lost 100 pounds in eight months and the other of us …ME… had been tossing this weight off and on my body for “three” long years.  Sure I’ve probably lost a total of 100 lbs over the years, but I’ve also gained 80 in the same period of time; not exactly a success story!

And now I had to reassess the most important day of the week.  The dreaded Monday, for me that day was like going to confession.  You stepped on the scale and the extra 2 pounds were your penance for the sins of the past weekend.  But on Monday you got to start all over again, confessing your sins and starting with a clean slate.  Especially if you went to the gym, all of your weight gaining sabotage of the weekend was wiped away and you had five full days to lose that weekend weight and more.

But, for Dona and all the other successful dieters, Mondays were a celebration!  Imagine celebrating Monday!  You mean it doesn’t have to be a day of washing away your sins; communion and confession all at the same time for me. Stepping on that scale and seeing two more pounds down vs. a tip towards two pounds up; seeing the big picture and celebrating the sacrifice of not over indulging or sabotaging the weight loss efforts over a weekend.  Wow, this was starting to look like something I wanted to be a part of; the scales were an affirmation of their success.

Oh my head was spinning.  And now I don’t feel so good about myself any more Julia.  I’m TIRED of this yo-yo insanity!

I want to greet Mondays for all the right reasons.  I want to go to bed Sunday night and leap out of bed the next day to see how much weight I’ve lost from all my hard work from the week before.  Week after week I want to do this. Not for a summer or a season or an occasion, but for life. How do I do this Julia?  Now my Mondays are quite blue.

HELP ME PLEASE!

Trish M.